A Conversation with Myself Regarding Gender During Spin Class

By Meredith M.

Where is Claire?
I can’t do this class without her. She’s the only reason I’m here.
“Excuse me? Sorry, I’m new here. Can you help me fix my…this bike?
I need help with like, everything.
Sorry. Thank you.”
“Oh – sorry, I don’t have those spin shoes with the clamps. Could you strap me in…or however this works? Thank you so much. Sorry. Yes, thank you for the welcome.”
Oh wow that’s way too tight on my foot. There goes the circulation.
I don’t want to bother her again. Oh well.
I say sorry way too much. I’m accustomed to it. Still, I have to work on that. Fucking patriarchy –
Uh oh, the class is starting.
I guess Claire will just join later.

Oh wow the music is really loud. And bad.
Really bad.
Who would listen to this on a bike ride?
I bet if Satan were a DJ he’d play this at his raves.
“Sorry?”
Dammit. Stop saying sorry.
“I can’t hear you! Should I increase my…resistance? What? Sorry (dammit). Okay, thanks!”
Where is the knob on this thing? Oh there it is. Oh, nope. Wrong way – ok.
I feel like Claire would know how to do this.
Shit. I wonder if I should text Claire…

The music just got worse. How is that possible?
The girl in front of me is so thin…I’m jealous.
Stop it. That’s a heteronormative socially constructed standard of Westernized beauty fueled by neoliberal notions of the “sufficient self” enabled through Foucauldian peer and self-surveillance in order to drive consumerism.
I still want it.
Fuck the patriarchy.
That girl’s my age – I guess I’d consider myself a girl. No, I’m a woman! That feels so old though…
Why don’t we have a better vocabulary for this?
Fuck the patriarchy.
And fuck these stupid shoe straps.

Dammit, Claire where the hell are you??

Oh thank God. Finally, a good song.
I’m so glad the teacher’s playing oldies.
Wait, this isn’t Marvin Gaye?
Oh, God is this ‘Blurred Lines’? Oh, please no. Oh please, dear God, no.
Wait, is it the feminist remix by those Australian lawyers?
Yes! Oh wait no.
Fuck.
This is a nightmare.
This bike isn’t even real.
This class is a farce.
CLAIIIIIRRREEEEE!!!!!!!!

I’m going to ask her to change it. This is rape culture in song form.
Fuck the patriarchy.
I’m getting up –
Oh my God I’m stuck.
I can’t get my feet out of these fucking straps.
I’m going to have a panic attack.
GODDAMMIT CLAIRE WHY AREN’T YOU HERE TO HELP ME WITH THE STRAPS!!!!

…I’m literally going to have to ride this out.
….
Fuck the patriarchy.

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About Gender + the City

Intersectional Feminist digital magazine

One comment

  1. alyssa ordu

    Meredith!!! I smiled and laughed the whole way thru!!! Way to weave in meta gender theory so playfully – that’s some pretty swagtastic comedic feminism right there. Dug it.

    ~alyssa ordu

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